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Monsters-In-Law

April 29th, 2009

Some couples are fortunate to have awesome in-laws that welcome the marriage of their children while others have a little bit of a rough time. Over the past few years, friends have asked me what they can do to ease the tension between themselves and in-laws. One idea is to act upon Mother’s Day and Father’s Day coming up. If the in-laws are long-distance, send flowers (I like to use www.proflowers.com) but if the in-laws are local, it is nice to buy, wrap, and hand deliver the gift to them. If the tension is between your significant other and your parents, encourage your significant other to do this. A gift is a nice gesture and an accompanying card with heart felt words is even better. If you’re struggling with the words, you can be short and sweet. Consider using something like:

“Dear Mom, Happy Mother’s Day! Thank you for your support during our engagement. I look forward to our wedding day and our new family.

Love,
(your name)”

You could also remember birthdays and achievements. Little things like, if they bought a new grill, give them a BBQ grilling set. I believe, the worst thing to do, is nothing. To the in-laws, it confirms that you don’t care about them and perhaps that your behavior is an indicator of how things will go in the future. Don’t prove them right!

I love the movie Monster-in-Law because it shows how horrible people can be but there’s always a chance that things could get better. It’s a really funny movie but don’t let it give you any ideas!

Monster-in-Law Clip

by Christine | posted in Relationships | No Comments »

Spring for Spring?

April 29th, 2009

Let’s talk about trying to schedule your wedding, and how factors like availability and cost affect things.

When my fiance and I first started planning our wedding, the hope was that we would be able to do a spring wedding. We both love warm weather (spring is my favorite season!), and the ideal situation for both of us would’ve been to have an outdoor ceremony.

Very yellow mellow outdoor wedding ceremony

Very yellow mellow outdoor wedding ceremony

[Copyright Junshien Lau]

So, we set off to do something sometime during the months of May, June or April, in that order. Specifically, we wanted a Saturday during those months. It didn’t take too long for us to realize that a spring wedding on that day would be a challenge.

Of the places we saw, we found out that either Saturdays weren’t available, or they were prohibitively expensive. So, we went from looking at May/June to thinking about April. The cost was a bit less, but not so much so. Then, the months of March and July were brought up as options by the venues we talked to.

One intriguing idea was to have the wedding on July 4th weekend. Not only was it a cheaper option (holiday weekend, plus it being in the hot, hot month of July), but the timing could’ve been cool, what with fireworks and all. In the end though, we decided not to go with July for two reasons. One was how far away it was (it would’ve been 19 months from our engagement), and the other was that July 4, 2010 is on a Sunday, and we don’t know if our guests would get the Friday before off, or the Monday after off.

Another interesting proposal from a venue was to do the wedding on the Saturday of Easter weekend. They offered a decent discount for that weekend. However, being Christian, I wasn’t sure if that would’ve been ideal. I checked with our pastor, and he said that it was fine to have a wedding around that time. Still, we ended up passing on that, just in case it made some of our guests uncomfortable.

So, what month/date did we settle on? A spring wedding looked out of reach for us. Stay tuned! :)

by David | posted in General Planning | No Comments »

Invitation Design – Part 1

April 27th, 2009

At the core of it, I’m a designer. I also love photography and wanted to include photos of us in as many aspects of our wedding as possible. Because of this, I always knew that I’d be designing and making my invitations from scratch. There were some gorgeous letterpress designs that I loved, and then I started drooling over Gocco designs (still drooling), but in the end I decided to go without the Gocco and do the printing part either at Kinkos or on our home printer. (Speaking of Gocco, has anyone tried the new Yudu printer?)

After doing lots of research, hunting around Pearl Paint, buying lots of samples, and drawing various designs, I came up with the following two prototypes:

Option 1

Option 2

Deciding which one to go with was a really hard decision. I liked both of them. In the end, I let KT decide. He chose option 2, but because he chose that one, I started favoring option 1… Anyway, we went with option 2.

I bought the brown card pre-folded from Paper Source (if you can buy your paper pre-folded, it certainly saves some time!). I also bought matching envelopes. Being square, I acknowledged that they would cost more to send, but I really like the square look, so I just had to deal with the additional expense.

The cardstock came from two different companies – Blue Dot Paper Shop and Paper and More. Blue Dot has smaller quantities available, they’re faster at shipping, their packaging on samples is great, but their prices work out a bit more expensive and they have limited color and sizes available in the papers I was looking for. Paper and More have a bigger range of colors and sizes, but shipping takes longer, and the quantities are typically packs of 100. The white card is “Pearlecent Metallic” in champaign/quartz (depending on the site you go with). The brown card on option 1 is plain brown cardstock from P&M.

I bought the green handmade paper from Pearl Paint in Canal St., New York. Immediately I was drawn to it! I bought 6 sheets, but only needed 3 of them for the invitations (i ended up using the green paper on all my wedding elements). I wanted to keep a rough edge on the paper, so the trick to tearing it is to use a small paint brush and water. Dip the brush in the water and drag it along the paper where you want it to tear. Then carefully tear it and let it dry.

120 green paper strips :-)

A friend of mine took our second batch of engagement shots while we were in New York in May 2008.* I sent my favorites to Mpix.com and had them print them at “mini” size on black and white paper. A mini sheet contains 8 copies of the picture and costs .88c each sheet. At $5, shipping was a bit of a killer (they have changed their shipping prices now), but if you are getting a lot, or are looking for really professional looking shots, then it’s worth paying the extra money.

*We had 3 sets of engagement photos… more on that later!

Have you thought about specific elements you want to include in your invitation design? I’d love to hear/see your ideas!

by auschick | posted in Design Ideas, Vendors, Wedding Themes | 7 Comments »

Negotiating in this Economy

April 26th, 2009

Unless you or your fiancé come from lots of money, your wedding budget will be a constraint. How has the recession changed the wedding industry and how can you benefit? According to the Wedding Report, the cost of a wedding has decreased 24% from 2007 to 2008. Close to 1/3 of couples surveyed are cutting their budget by 10-30% due to the economy. Refer to David’s post below about the national average.

What does this information mean for you? Well, the market demand is changing so that means you have room to negotiate vendor products and services. The wedding industry is still very strong but it’s time to negotiate the ridiculous prices. I’m a bargain hunter and thought I’d share what has worked for me. It’s a very nice time right now to negotiate for products and services, things you might not have been able to afford 3-4 years ago.

Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight: I would not suggest negotiating if you’ve never talked someone down in price before. Bring a friend or parent who has the negotiating experience.

Price is not king: If the vendor will not go down in price, negotiate to throw in additional products or services to make it worth while.

Money is not king: You may be able to offer them more than money. Do you have a friend who is also getting married? Try cutting a deal with a florist or limo for a discounted price.

Try a mom & pop shop or an emerging star: In general, the more established places will have less power to negotiate. For instance, the wedding coordinator at Marriot will have less power to negotiate on catering prices than Julia, who owns her own catering service company.

Make it a pleasant experience for them, too: Be cordial and try not to let loose the Bridezilla in you! Vendors are more willing to work with you if you’re pleasant and if they sense that you respect them. Negotiating works only if both sides get what they want.

Compare vendors: Shop around for price from 2 or 3 similar vendors and use those as comparison points. If you’re not being reasonable with your asking price, the vendor will call you out on it.

Negotiate in person: There’s a lot you can read in body language, which can help you. If negotiating in person is not possible, the next best thing is over the phone. Email is last resort. Do not text!

Be clear and direct with your reasons: It’s okay to say that you like the vendor but they are a little out of your price range.

Be willing to walk away: Sometimes if the vendor senses that they will lose business, they will bring down their price to get a sure deal. If you can’t get in the price range, there is no point in fussing. Walk away and start looking into the next option.

If possible, get it in writing: If you want this to be a sure deal, make it legal. An agreement over email works, too. If this move is offensive in some cultures, make the agreement with witnesses. Sometimes saving reputation is a good motivation.

These are just a few things I listed. I hope you find them useful. :O)

by Christine | posted in Budget | 1 Comment »

Spare a Dime?

April 24th, 2009

I’ve read that the average cost of a wedding is around $28k nationally. Being that my fiance and I are planning to get married in the NYC area, and will be paying for our wedding ourselves, I only wish that was the case for us. The average cost in this area is about 2-3x that.

wedding_money (Yes, that sound was my jaw dropping. It could’ve also been mixed in with the cackles of wedding vendors robbing me blind.)

Well, my fiance and I both really want our wedding here. It’s convenient for our families, and we don’t want to have to plan from afar. So, we’ve set our budget and it’s up to us to really stick to it. It’s been tempting, to be sure, to want to budget a little more here, and a bit more there, etc. Those things will add up though, and while we want a day that reflects the importance of our marriage, we also feel responsible to not be too crazy.

“Marry the marriage, not the wedding.”

That was advice given to us from a married couple. I hope we remember that throughout the planning process. :)

How were your experiences? Did you end up sticking to your budget? What were the things that put you over that you just had to have?

by David | posted in Budget, General Planning | No Comments »

Always a Bridesmaid?

April 24th, 2009

I have a lot of experience with weddings.

I’ve never been married, but I’ve been part of enough special days to know how the lucky couple got to that point.  Other than say “I do,” I’ve done it all – from choosing the venue, music, and flowers to serving as the make-up artist, calligrapher and nervous-bride-soother.  Some of you might be envisioning the movie 27 Dresses, but thankfully, I’m not there…yet.  I still have room in my closet for more poofy/strapless/chiffon dresses that I’ll wear again, some day. Definitely.  Right?27-dresses

One of my favorite wedding memories is of the first wedding I was in, my older sister’s.  She was married in an English castle in the summer of 2001, and I was one of three bridesmaids.  On the flight over, we were alerted that my sister’s maid of honor wouldn’t be able to make the trip.  Five minutes later, I received a field commission and was promoted to MOH, pledging to fulfill all expectations.  Talk about pressure!  I was called upon to perform the  necessary duties moments before my sister walked down the aisle, and did what I had to do – I blew on her face to cool her down, and, as requested (rather, ordered), ran and got her an adult beverage.  After a quick swig, she was ready to get the show on the road and practically ran down the aisle.  They’re still happily married, now with two rug rats and a fat lazy dog.

In addition to some of my memorable experiences, I’ll be sharing tips, tricks and advice with you from a slightly different perspective.  In fact, I’ll start now.  Brides-to-be: Do not, I repeat, do NOT, under any circumstances, subject your bridal party to this attire. bad-bridesmaids-dresses

Not because you’d face certain mutiny, but because really, what couple wants to look back at their wedding photos and wonder why it looks like the Peeps factory threw up on their bridesmaids?

(Faces have been changed to protect the innocent.)

Fortunately, every wedding I’ve been a part of was with my great friends and family (no crazy bridezillas or horrendous dresses), but I know not everyone has been as lucky.  What are some of your scary stories? What questions do you have for a semi-pro bridesmaid?  Have any of you ever worn your bridesmaid dresses again?

by Anna G | posted in Engagement, General Planning, Wedding Watching | 6 Comments »

Best Wedding Ever

April 23rd, 2009

I aspire to have my wedding be as fun as my friend Brian’s wedding was. He and his wife had the ceremony and reception at a Long Island vineyard, and I don’t know if it was because of the free-flowing wine or what, but it was fun!

The day was chaotic to begin with. My college buddies and I shacked up at some hotel that was close (but apparently, not close enough) to the vineyard. We took our time getting ready, figuring it was a short drive. Thing was, we didn’t know it was strawberry festival time (go figure), so the roads were pretty full. We drove as fast as we could, but come on, it was STRAWBERRY SEASON, so it was slow going.

When we finally got to the vineyard, the ceremony was literally just starting, but we needed to get to our seats. We parked the cars, and started running towards the seats set up near the gazebo. After running a few paces, we saw that the bride was actually walking down between the vines. Realizing that this was the procession, most of us ducked into the vines, not wanting to steal her spotlight. Imagine the scene – seven guys in suits running behind a bride in white, only to jump into and hide within the vines. Yes, we were a bunch of clowns.

Anyway, the ceremony went off without any further hitches, and then we moved under a tent for the reception. The venue being a vineyard, we really only had one option when it came to alcohol, but that was fine, since it was an open bar (key to wedding success!). The food was good, but it tasted even more delicious with red and white wine chasers.

By the time the party ended, we could recall moments such as these:

  • One of the guests spilling his red wine onto the bride’s dress. At first, I was fingered as the culprit, but thankfully, I had white wine in my hand so I was in the clear!
  • A near-fight between one of my buddies and another guest, as they jostled for food at the buffet table. Thankfully, peace reigned that day.
  • Guys standing on their chairs, with their ties wrapped around their heads, screaming for “more!”
  • The ridiculous DJ/MC combo who nevertheless got us to do the conga line, and dance wearing leis and silly hats and glasses.
  • My friend shhh’ing everyone from the middle of a dance circle, before he started to show us his moves.
  • Witnessing BOTH the Carlton Banks dance, as well as Mr. Peanut! Truly sights to behold.
  • An infamous video from the bathroom, that shall not be explained.

You may be reading this and wonder, “how does that sound fun at all?” From my perspective, though, it was the best wedding I’ve ever been to.

Will my wedding be as fun? Well, we’ll have an open bar, so alcohol shouldn’t be a barrier. Still, my friends are a few years older, and I don’t know if we can still party like we used to. Whatever we end up doing, though, my fiance and I both want our guests to have fun. Just don’t steal the silverware!

by David | posted in Wedding Watching | No Comments »

Ask Mr. Manners

April 22nd, 2009

I had a buddy yesterday ask me for my opinion on an etiquette-related question, since I’m in the wedding mindset. Here’s the question, paraphrased:

“Let’s say you invited your friend to your wedding, and he brought a significant other. Over a year passed by, and there was no gift from said friend. Now, he has invited you to his wedding. What do you do?”

When I heard this question, my first impulse was to go to Martha Stewart’s site to see what she’d say, but there was nada there. Thanks for nothing, Martha. I mean, I know etiquette calls for not expecting a gift, but let’s be real.

So I asked my buddy to provide some more info. Was the friend a close one, or just an acquaintance (he was a “good” friend, but not a “close friend)? Was his wedding local, or would you have to travel (would have to travel)?

It was tempting to say that tit-for-tat would’ve been the way to go, but after thinking about it some, I thought the best approach would be this. Since it was a distance wedding (is that even a term?), I’d either decline the invitation and just send them a middle-of-the-road gift from their registry, or I’d go, and just not be as generous as I’d normally be with my monetary gift.

Thoughts? What would you do? Are my responses too guy-like, or money-driven?

miser11

Note that at my wedding, we’ll be announcing gifts at the door, and anyone not bearing gifts will be sent home. Just kidding!

by David | posted in Etiquette | 4 Comments »

Not a Bridal Blog

April 22nd, 2009

Hi! My name is David, and welcome to Big Fat Cake! I’m really excited to be part of this.

First, let me give you some background about myself, and then you will understand the title of this post. I’ve been engaged for about three months now, and I’m planning on getting married next year. If you’re wondering, I’m the guy in the relationship.

However, I guess I’m much more involved than most guys when it comes to wedding planning (that’s definitely true among my friends), so I’ve done my fair share of reading wedding sites and blogs.Inevitably, on every site I read, the content addresses its reader(s) either as “you girls,” or “all you brides.” It’s quite emasculating. :)

That said, I’m very excited to be a guy blogging about his wedding planning. My fiance may cringe, but I wear this proverbial badge proudly! (Just don’t tell people, okay? Just kidding.) So over the next many months, I hope you join me in this journey.

by David | posted in Miscellaneous | 1 Comment »

When Scott and I married in 2004, there wasn’t much material available to give suggestions on how to plan a Green wedding. These days, tons of helpful links show up if you Google “green wedding ideas.” I haven’t come close to exhausting Green wedding ideas but wanted to share a book I recently bought for my Kindle, The Green Bride Guide. I looked through a bunch of books and thought this one would be good to read. The author also has her own website that shows weddings that have used ideas from the book.

The Green Bride Guide
I like the fact that many brides want to incorporate Green ideas not just because of cost, but because they believe in a cause. Everyday we should encourage each other to be good stewards of the Earth we live in.  I hope this day causes people not think of Green ideas not just today, but throughout the year. If you have good Green ideas, please share!

by Christine | posted in Green Wedding | No Comments »

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