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This past wedding season I got a lot of questions from guests about etiquette so I wanted to share with everyone:

Question?

Reader Question:
How much do I spend on the wedding gift?

No one should think of this as a hard fast rule, but typically, guests are expected to give gifts that are equal to the cost of attending the wedding. In most metropolitan areas, that’s about $100 per person, less for suburbs. So if there are two of you, that’s $200 for a wedding gift. If you don’t know what to give, give cash. Most couples will not find it impersonal because many couples start their marriage with big holes in their pocket!

Question?

Reader Question:
I’m strapped for cash. What gift ideas do you have for me?

Yes, money is tight these days but it’s the same for the wedding couple. Of course, couples should not expect to be showered with extravagant gifts from everyone. For example, a friend who recently graduated from school and just joined the Peace Corps will not have the same expectations put on them as the I-Banking friend from NYC. Some couples will appreciate receiving a thoughtful gift that costs less than $100 but some may appreciate the cash more. I would gauge the gift depending on the couple. If you’re looking for some gifts that give a little more meaning but don’t cost as much, consider buying a gift that benefits a non-profit cause. Ten Thousand Villages sells crafts from around the world and gives their profit directly to the artist, usually living in a developing country. Shop either Tabletop or Home Decor. If these products were sold in a department store, they would go for much more. If the couple has a philanthropic heart, then donate using the I Do Foundation.

If you know of others that are strapped for cash, consider pooling together resources to get one nice expensive gift from a group of people.

Question?

Reader Question:
What if I don’t attend the wedding? Do I still need to give a gift?

It’s customary to send a gift even if you don’t attend the wedding. The wedding couple invited you with the intent of sharing their special occasion with you.

Question?

Reader Question:
How long do I have to give a gift?

It’s customary to give a gift up to a year after the wedding.

Question?

Reader Question:
What if I have guests that don’t give gifts, even a year after my wedding?

Hahaha. You can’t demand for a wedding gift. Keep in mind, sometimes things get lost in the mail, stores can mess up orders, etc. The fact that they don’t get a thank you card might tip them off. Or, you can still send a thank you card but thank them only for attending the wedding. The fact that you leave out thanking them for a gift might tip them off. If those clues don’t do anything, resist the urge to ask and consider it water under the bridge. There’s a perfect example from King of the Hill of what NOT to do:

King of the Hill - Wedding Gift Collection

King of the Hill - Wedding Gift Collection (Source: Hulu.com)

Etiquette can be seen as a best practice but of course, it’s not the absolute rule. Your decisions should be dealt with on a case-by-case scenario, and to maintain your relationships, leave your judgments at the door. :O)

by Christine | posted in Budget, Etiquette, Questions from Audience | 2 Comments »

Source:marisapage.wordpress.com

Source: marisapage.wordpress.com

I thought this might be a good topic to share with any future brides so they can realize that knowing what you want is sometimes less drama then being flexible.   Read David’s post about Wedding Day Drama, he is right on with his comments and the drama is sometimes unavoidable regardless.  I’m a pretty laid back person and I’m not a slave to fashion, or a wealthy debutant so I’m pretty flexible with a lot of the options I had for my wedding (especially the costly items).   I really wish I had been more bridezilla-ish.   I’m a little less then two months away from the big day so I guess now will have to be a good time to start!!!

Don’t feel bad about being a little bit of a bridezilla!!! I think being direct is going to be your best bet in planning a wedding and making decisions when they need to be made.  Mind you this does not mean disregarding all social norms and/or disrespecting anyone.

Real life Example 1 – Different sizes and shapes of bridesmaids.

Source: bestweddingdresses.net

Source: bestweddingdresses.net

Laidback Bride – Let them pick different style dress (same designer same color)

Result – Endless phone calls during the day while the girls went to different dress shops looking for the ones with the most options of that designer.  Also one called me and told me that this “dress was made for her” umm.. yes but it was made by another designer

B-Zilla Solution – Pick a dress and make them look alike – who cares right? Attention is on the bride=) (I’m just kidding but really it’s easier)

Real life Example 2 – Not being direct with Maid of Honor (MOH) on what I’m expecting from her (bridal shower, bachelorette etc)

Source: Susan Zoha

Source: Susan Zoha

Laidback Bride – There really wasn’t one, I went along with whatever was thrown for me, but dealt with the good friends vs. family disagreement of venues and locations

Result – (late in the game) I asked for just family – group of women at my mom’s house.   There ended up being a fight over location (I live in VA – my family and close friends live in CT) where now there is tension in the bridal party (that I was left off of all the e-mails so I still don’t know the details)  In the end everything was great, but I could have avoided the opinions of others by just stating my own.

B-Zilla Solution – Be direct very early on, if your priorities are different then your mothers or your MOHs then you need to be honest and let them know how you foresee the events happening.

Real life Example 3 –  Bachelor Party

Source: zazzle.com

Source: zazzle.com

Laidback Bride – I wasn’t really concerned with this as I was asked to be part of the surprise kidnapping.  I also helped with some accommodations since I was able to work out some deals.

Result – If you have a problem with any foreseeable things occurring let it be known early.  Well I’m sure most of you would guess=)

B-Zilla Solution – Demand the groom inform the best man of the restrictions on the bachelor party.  B-Zilla might want to follow up with the BM just in case she is worried.

Do you have any bridezilla stories you would want to share?  Any times you wish you were bridezilla?

by Joleen | posted in Etiquette, General Planning, Miscellaneous | No Comments »

Wedding Night Festivities

July 28th, 2009

To be honest, up until a few years ago, I never thought what I’m going to ask was a legitimate question. That is, until my friends started to marry and I heard their stories, and stories of their friends. So…

On your wedding night, did you or do you plan on having sex?

To me, this is a no-brainer. However, I’ve heard that you can be exhausted, and not have any energy. Hogwash? Well, if you think about it first, it might sound reasonable. First, there’s the mental aspect of it. It’s the big day, you’ve spent months planning for it, and you probably spend most of the BIG DAY worrying if your plan goes awry. Then, there’s the physical aspect to it. Bride or groom, you probably stay up late, talking, commiserating, finishing up the last of the reception centerpieces, finalizing the seating chart, tying that stupid bow on the program, etc. Not a whole lot of sleep — and you probably wouldn’t be able to catch much sleep anyway.

Then the BIG DAY comes, and you wake up early. If you’re a chick, you go and do your hair, nails, make-up, etc., and if you’re a guy, well, you catch SportsCenter, the weather forecast, take a trip to the toilet, etc. Then, in no particular order, you run to/from the ceremony, pictures with the wedding party, the reception, costume changes, etc.

The BIG DAY finally draws to an end, and you and the significant other retire to your love nest. Do you, and I mean YOU, have what it takes to slip on the second most important thing of the day (hint: starts with pro and ends in phylactic; unless you are on birth control or choose to let nature run its course)? Or, do you wait for matinee performance the next morning?

too tired

Source: Getty Images

Inquiring (and slightly perverted) minds want to know. Please share. ;)

by David | posted in Relationships | 1 Comment »

With this ring…

July 26th, 2009
Gold Wedding Rings

Gold Wedding Rings

GT and I finally had time to go shopping for our wedding bands.  For sentimental reasons, my dad wanted us to buy our bands from the same jewelry store that my parents got their wedding bands from.  The same shop owner still owns and works in that store.  I think it was very sweet.

We wanted something really simple, so picking the style was not difficult at all.  We were both in agreement on what we wanted.

These were our guidelines

1. Color of silver: 14K White Gold, 18K White Gold, or Platinum

2. Profile: Flat fit.  It is classic yet with a bit of a modern feel.

3. No gems

4. Not too costly

Since guys usually have less choices, we started looking at the Men’s designs first.  We picked out a comfort fit satin band with a thin polish band in the middle.

GT's wedding ring

GT's wedding ring

However, I wasn’t able to get a matching band.  The minimal width for this design is 4mm.  I’m one of those people with tiny fingers.  A 4mm ring would just look silly; I wanted something that was 2mm.  So I went with a 2mm flat fit satin band.

Mel's wedding band

Mel's wedding ring

I think it goes well with my engagement ring and it also matched GT’s wedding ring.  So now that we have our designs picked out, we had to pick out what it was made out of.  We had three choices 14k white gold, 18k white gold, and platinum.  My dad suggested platinum since it was what my parents’ have.  However, platinum is well above our price range, so we were leaning towards 18k white gold.  That was when the jeweler noted that 18k has more gold in it, so it is softer (less durable) and over time a gold tint may appear, which can be taken care of with some maintanance at the jewelry store.  In the end, he recommended 14k white gold wedding bands since it is a daily accessory.  I was a bit surprised to find such an honest jeweler.

So what are some of your guidelines for your wedding bands?

by Mel | posted in Accessories, Budget | 2 Comments »

I am a member of so many different web communities and sites that keeping track of all my passwords could be a complete nightmare. And when I signed up to all the wedding related websites (registries, the knot, wedding blogs, etc) I had even more to keep track of (we tried to keep all the wedding username and passwords the same, but this wasn’t always possible).

Enter Password Safe. Password Safe is an open source project that securely saves all of your passwords in one handy place (working in the IT industry for 3 years taught me a few things!). After downloading the software, you can create a database for the personal sites you visit and you can also categorize your sites (banking, wedding, email, etc).

Password Safe - mine looks something like this

My colleague created a Password Safe that he stores everything in. He has written down the password and put a copy of the file in his family’s fire safe, giving his wife the instructions on how to access it so that, in case something happens to him, she can log into all of his accounts and close them down.

When we were engaged, I emailed a copy of my password database to KT (just in case something happened to me). He still has a copy, and keeps the password to the file in his file safe (tip: don’t email the password!).

With sites such as MyDeathSpace floating around, it’s a smart idea to give your fiance/husband/S.O./parent a copy of all your passwords, just in case :-) . And while I think about it, if you’re about to get married (or just did), it’s also a good time to update your Will :-) .

by auschick | posted in General Planning | No Comments »

Walking (?) Down the Aisle

July 24th, 2009

Everyone wants a memorable wedding. This entrance, though, probably ranks way up there as one of the most creative/coolest things I’ve seen. The even cooler thing is I work with a guy who’s friends with these people.

JK Wedding Entrance Dance (more…)

by David | posted in Ceremony | 1 Comment »

So most us by now have watched an episode of “Say Yes to the Dress” or watched Bride Wars and many other shows where the dress practically “picked” the bride.  I would have loved if this happened to me, but the reality is, I know myself and many other brides come to the decision that we just “need a dress”. At some point you are trying on dresses waiting for this moment to hit you and then at some point you realize you might not ever have that moment.  I love wedding gowns and I really liked quite a few of the ones I had on.

Photo from mswiley2508.wordpress.com (This dress found both of them at Kleinfelds – but only one of them got the dress)

(source: blog.suntimes.com)

Photo from mswiley2508.wordpress.com (This dress found both of them at Kleinfelds – but only one of them got the dress)

(source: blog.suntimes.com) Is this not you???


Here are some tips to finding the gown (if it hasn’t found you yet)

  1. Pick a style that you want and stick to it! Don’t be lured by other beautiful dresses.
  2. Shop around and try on lots of dresses!  (Of course apologize to the consultant for trying on any excessive amounts of dresses and always remember to be polite)
  3. Stick with your budget!  Try not to shop out of your price range. A dress that you love does exist for whatever it is!!  A good consultant will help you and if they can’t – shop around!
  4. Your opinion is the only one that matters!  Definitely bring your MOH or mother but in the end pick what you want, not what they want you to try on!
  5. Set a Decision Day! Set a date when you would like to have your dress by and stick to it.

I found myself on my D-Day in a bridal store down the street from work while I was away on travel.  With two dresses in hand, I told the consultant to give me 15 minutes and I’m coming out with a decision.  (I tried them on a million more times and examined of course ever inch of the dress).

As a result I’m thrilled with my dress!  I love it and well it’s like getting married – don’t tempt yourself anymore by looking!

Here are some real brides whose dresses didn’t pick them!

(Darci)

She had a great dress and I love the look of satin!

She had a great dress and I love the look of satin!

(Scott & Christine)

Great Dress with clean lines and all under budget!

Great Dress with clean lines and all under budget!

by Joleen | posted in Attire, Beauty, Budget, General Planning | No Comments »

Many of you have heard of this awesome event that Filene’s Basement runs once a year at their stores,  twice a year for Boston (lucky them!).  Brides line up (sometimes the night before) to get in line to shop for wedding dresses for SUPER cheap.

Running of the Brides Event at Filenes Basement

I’ve heard of stories where brides will bring several of their friends. Once they get in the store, they grab a whole bunch of dresses, not to try all of them on, but to barter with other brides to get the dress they really want to try on. Also, brides don’t bother going into the dressing room. If you wear skimpy summer clothes, it’ll be enough to wear under the dresses. I had heard of this event AFTER I bought mine and have always wanted to accompany a friend just for the experience. People think I’m crazy. But it’s the excitement of finding an awesome dress for super cheap. I love bargains even when they are for complete strangers.

Check out the website to send a reminder to yourself for the event in your location. For your convenience:

JUL 24th – Chicago, IL (State Street)
JUL 31st – Washington, D.C. (Mazza Gallerie)
AUG 14th – Manhasset, NY
AUG 21st – Boston, MA (Hynes Convention Center)
OCT 16th – Cleveland, OH (Warrensville Heights)

If you go to this event, you’ll have to comment on this post and let me know how it went for you!

by Christine | posted in Budget, Events, Vendors | 2 Comments »

This week I’m going to move away from my series on wedding watching (don’t worry, I’ll have the next two weddings ready to indulge you with you soon!), and share with you something I realized I was passionate about in my own wedding.

My shoes.

I’m not sure if it was from watching Father of the Bride as a kid, or attending my cousin’s wedding where she wore red Dorothy shoes with her dress, but I never really knew that brides wore pretty white shoes under their dresses – I had this belief that brides wore a pair of fun, crazy shoes, because no one can see the shoes anyway!

The theme for my wedding was green, white, and brown. When I shared with the bridal store sales assistant my desire to have green shoes, she stared at me as if I was on crack. “Ok”, i thought – “maybe green shoes will look bad. I’d better wear white.” Happy that I’d chosen to do white shoes, the assistant whisked them away to have them dyed to be completely matching to my dress.

Four months later I found myself pining for green shoes, and frustrated with myself for letting a salesperson change my dream for non-matchy matchy shoes. But finding green shoes that weren’t too high, weren’t too expensive, and were the perfect shade of green was a bit of a challenge. $100 was the absolute max, though my preference was to spend $60 or less.

So enter my quest (gotta love free shipping and returns!):

Shoe 1:

The color for this shoe was perfect, but I wasn't a fan of the jewels on the front and that style of heel-back never fits my foot properly. The height was also a bit too much. At $42.94 (DSW), they were a good deal, but I ended up returning them.

Shoe 2:

At just $39.99 (DSW), this was a pretty cheap shoe, and the color looked right. One of my friends quickly vetoed it though, saying it wasn't very wedding like (and I don't like cork, so I didn't complain).

Shoe 3:

This shoe was super cute. It wasn't fully green though, so I ended up scratching it from my list. $46 from Zappos.

Shoe 4:

I liked these ones but wasn't a fan of the flower embellishment, (figured I might be able to remove it though). It was $76 from Zappos.

Shoe 5:

This shoe was cute too. I liked the color variation on it and it didn't seem too high. It was on the higher end of my price point, at $89 from Zappos.

So what did I end up going with then?

these ones

These ones! I picked them up from Endless.com for $75 and while they were more than I wanted to spend on shoes, they were the perfect height (about 1 inch), were super fun to dance in, were *green* and I *still* wear them. Yay! (Photo by LauraKayPhoto.com)

What’s your thoughts on non-traditional bridal shoes? Will you be wearing white, or something with a surprise factor?

by auschick | posted in Accessories, Attire | 5 Comments »

Wedding Websites

July 18th, 2009

Due to user friendly and extremely accessible technology these days, personal wedding websites has become a standard for couples to share the details of their wedding.  With weddings becoming more elaborate, so does the information for attendees.  However, traditional invitations do not allow for us to cram all the necessary information into one card.

So what is out there?  Depends on how fancy you want the website and how much you are willing to spend.  I noticed that the basic ones are usually the ones that cost the least or nothing.  One of the free sites is the knot.com, which is very basic.  Mywedding.com is also free and very basic but with prettier designs.

Other sites are nearlyweds, wedsimple, wedorama, weddingannouncer, weddingtracker, and weddingwindow.  It all depends on your preferences, so I would recommend taking a look at all of them and see what you like.

Weddingwindow gives you user friendly and nicer design web layouts (design, music, and functionality) and security. It is the most secure of all of the websites and highly recommended by Wall Street Journal.

Do you have a wedding website?  Are you thinking about one?

by Mel | posted in Budget, Design Ideas, General Planning | 2 Comments »

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