Gift Giving – What’s Expected of You?

This past wedding season I got a lot of questions from guests about etiquette so I wanted to share with everyone:

No one should think of this as a hard fast rule, but typically, guests are expected to give gifts that are equal to the cost of attending the wedding. In most metropolitan areas, that’s about $100 per person, less for suburbs. So if there are two of you, that’s $200 for a wedding gift. If you don’t know what to give, give cash. Most couples will not find it impersonal because many couples start their marriage with big holes in their pocket!

Yes, money is tight these days but it’s the same for the wedding couple. Of course, couples should not expect to be showered with extravagant gifts from everyone. For example, a friend who recently graduated from school and just joined the Peace Corps will not have the same expectations put on them as the I-Banking friend from NYC. Some couples will appreciate receiving a thoughtful gift that costs less than $100 but some may appreciate the cash more. I would gauge the gift depending on the couple. If you’re looking for some gifts that give a little more meaning but don’t cost as much, consider buying a gift that benefits a non-profit cause. Ten Thousand Villages sells crafts from around the world and gives their profit directly to the artist, usually living in a developing country. Shop either Tabletop or Home Decor. If these products were sold in a department store, they would go for much more. If the couple has a philanthropic heart, then donate using the I Do Foundation.

If you know of others that are strapped for cash, consider pooling together resources to get one nice expensive gift from a group of people.

It’s customary to send a gift even if you don’t attend the wedding. The wedding couple invited you with the intent of sharing their special occasion with you.

It’s customary to give a gift up to a year after the wedding.

Hahaha. You can’t demand for a wedding gift. Keep in mind, sometimes things get lost in the mail, stores can mess up orders, etc. The fact that they don’t get a thank you card might tip them off. Or, you can still send a thank you card but thank them only for attending the wedding. The fact that you leave out thanking them for a gift might tip them off. If those clues don’t do anything, resist the urge to ask and consider it water under the bridge. There’s a perfect example from King of the Hill of what NOT to do:

Etiquette can be seen as a best practice but of course, it’s not the absolute rule. Your decisions should be dealt with on a case-by-case scenario, and to maintain your relationships, leave your judgments at the door. :O)