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Recently the question, “what is a charger?” has been brought up frequently in conversations in regards to table settings. I’ve seen a variety of table setting at weddings, from informal to formal. Depending on your wedding venue or caterer, you may need to supply some, if not all the items needed to host your wedding reception and serve your guests. Every venue/caterer is different, so you be sure to clarify with the representative which items are provided and which you must provide.

image from gearpatrol.com

Formal dinner

The tableware pieces that make up the setting:

  1. Salad Plate
  2. Charger (Service Plate)
  3. Bread Plate
  4. Dinner Plate

Silverware:

  1. Dinner knife
  2. Dinner fork
  3. Teaspoon
  4. Salad fork
  5. Soup spoon
  6. Bread knife
  7. Cake fork
  8. Dessert spoon

Crystal:

  1. Water glass
  2. Red Wine glass
  3. White Wine glass
  4. Cup and Saucer

image from gearpatrol.com

Informal Setting

At an informal setting, fewer utensils are used and serving dishes are placed on the table.

The tableware pieces that make up the setting:

  1. Dinner Plate

Silverware:

  1. Dinner knife
  2. Dinner fork
  3. Teaspoon
  4. Salad fork
  5. Soup spoon

Crystal:

  1. Water glass
  2. Wine glass

So, to answer our question what is a charger? It is essentially a decorative plate for a well-dressed table.  The charger plate is larger than the dinner plate and salad plate that actually hold the food. In my opinion a charger is unnecessary at most dinners but it is nice to for the eyes to have a placeholder when in between course servings.

by Mel | posted in Etiquette, Reception | 1 Comment »

How many bridesmaids?

October 30th, 2009

Question?

Reader Question:
How do I figure out how many people should stand with me? I could go with 2 bridesmaids, but I could also go with 10.

Bridesmaids help the bride but mine laughed at me. :O)

My sister (MOH) tries to tame my veil for the pictures at FDR Memorial. Source: Jay Wilson Photography

I don’t know where this etiquette came from, but the bridesmaids ratio is suggested to be 1 bridesmaid for every 50 guests you have. I’m not a stickler for etiquette but it gives you a guideline. Because if you have a wedding of 50 guests, you don’t want to go with 10 bridesmaids. You might as well invite everyone there up with you!

My wedding was 230 guests, but I had only 2 bridesmaids because I kept to close family members: my sister and my cousin. I couldn’t decide among friends and I was too afraid to offend people because if I asked one person, then I felt obligated to ask 3-4 other people who were in the same group of friends. So I made it less complicated and in the end, it worked out because with our short timeline to plan the wedding, it was less to coordinate.

by Christine | posted in Etiquette, Questions from Audience | 1 Comment »

Bridesmaids Gifts

October 27th, 2009

Trying to figure out what to give your bridesmaids? There’s no correct way and specific gift but just like any gift, hopefully you can find something that they’ll like. Being part of the wedding party requires alot of money on their part so if you can do something to relieve that financial burden, I’m sure it would be appreciated. You can give a pair of earrings, necklace, or bracelet that they can wear to the wedding but tasteful enough that they would choose to wear after the wedding is over. Some brides will consider paying for hair & makeup or the bridesmaid’s dress as the gift. For myself, I had only two bridesmaids so I felt I could spend a little more than expected. Because one bridesmaid was still in college, I paid for her dress to relieve financial burden. The other bridesmaid was my lawyer-sister who I thought would appreciate an iPod Shuffle especially since she didn’t have one yet. If you’re looking to spend a little more, Apple products are a nice gift especially since they get outdated every few years. You can get one for $59 for 2 GB or $79 for 4 GB, plus they offer free engraving!

Bridesmaids gifts dont have to be traditional!

Bridesmaids gifts don't have to be traditional!

Other gifts that I have seen include purses to match the dress, and bridesmaids mementos from Things Remembered. The gifts can be any amount, both inexpensive or expensive, as long as they express your thanks for helping and being part of the wedding party.

What did you give your bridesmaids? Did they like it?

by Christine | posted in Etiquette | No Comments »

The Final Note

October 5th, 2009

Photo0073

Although the wedding is over, there was still one last thing we had for our guests… thank you notes.  A personal thank you note is the only appropriate way to say “Thank You.”  The common etiquette is to send a handwritten thank you.  It is more personal and sincere than a pre-printed one, which tells the guest how much you appreciated the gift and how it will be cherished for years to come.  Also don’t forget about those who arranged showers and parties for you.  It is acceptable to thank them for the shower and their gift in the same card.  It is also recommended to send out thank you notes as you receive gifts before the wedding.  It gives you less to think about after the wedding.  It doesn’t let too much time pass between the gift and the thank you.

We decided to give our cards, which matched the rest our paper elements (invitations, programs, seating cards, etc), an extra touch by calligraphying the message and the addresses.   As for the return address, we wanted something fun.  I found a really cute site called sweet papery that makes self inking and traitional stamps with a great collection of designs.

by Mel | posted in Design Ideas, Etiquette | No Comments »

Bachelor Party Crashers

September 30th, 2009

Geez.

So Bachelor Party #1 has been scheduled. I’m going to Vegas with my buddies in January, and we’re going to check out the cultural icons and natural habitats of that quiet town. I’m really excited – I will definitely bring a journal to log all of our activities.

Kidding aside, one of my buddies just asked me if it’d be okay for him to invite someone to the trip. I don’t really know the guy he wanted to invite, but my first instinct was, “Hey, it’s Vegas, who am I to say no.” However, after getting some advice from others, I decided, hell no, it’s my bachelor party, and I want to “lose myself in unspeakable acts with my closest friends” and not make new acquaintances.

Las Vegas

What would you ladies have done? Let’s say an invitee to your bridal shower asks to bring someone, would you be okay with that? Or am I way off base?

by David | posted in Etiquette | 2 Comments »

Tit for Tat Gift-Giving?

September 25th, 2009

Question?

Reader Question:
I’m annoyed at how nowadays wedding “gifts” aren’t really gifts at all and they’re more like buying your ticket to the wedding. Gifts are freely given, or should be, but I feel like in weddings its not like that anymore. You should expect to spend however much you wanna spend and  guests shouldn’t feel compelled to give gifts… they should WANT to. And it shouldn’t be their meal ticket. That is all. K bye.

A gift is “something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.” (Source: Dictionary.com)

Source: Manolo Brides

Source: Manolo Brides

Like a kid at Christmas, I like to expect nice gifts at a wedding, but have the expectations for wedding gifts gone out of control? Maybe guests have taken etiquette (bringing a gift to cover the cost of your attendance) too strictly, or maybe wedding couples are selfishly expecting great gifts from every guest? The bottom line is, the wedding is a celebration of a marriage between two people who love each other very much and the event should be about their new marriage, not what gifts they get. Did guests and wedding couples lose sight of what’s really important?

I believe you are commenting about the post earlier this week when I shared some ideas about what I have done or thought of doing when traveling to attend a wedding. The reader did not want to show up as the close college roommate who didn’t give a wedding gift, so hopefully those ideas will work for her. But you should not feel that any of those gift ideas are required. However, not knowing the wedding couple, who knows how they would react? I would like to think that the wedding couple would be understanding if someone traveled from the other side of the world to attend the wedding and did not give a gift. Attending the wedding should be gift enough. But it’s always safer to bring something in hand and even better when the couple doesn’t know how much you spent on it. :O)

Gift-giving is an expectation that is formed by customs from culture, religion, and family. Everyone does not have the same view so it’s best not to dwell on it. As a gift-giver, I’m not going to get wrapped up in the amount, but focus more on what I think the couple will enjoy. Etiquette is just a guideline and not a hard fast rule. For those of you who are the wedding couple, you won’t get disappointed if you don’t expect something in return, even though etiquette says you should. In the end, the importance should be on your nuptials, not monetary objects.

by Christine | posted in Etiquette, Questions from Audience | 1 Comment »

Long Distance Travel

September 23rd, 2009

Question?

Reader Question:
I was invited to a wedding in Utah and it’s going to cost me several hundred dollars to fly out there, stay in a hotel, and rent a car. Am I really expected to spend about $100 on their gift, too? Oh, on top of that, I’m poor!

That’s a very good question that I’ve heard several times. It doesn’t seem fair to the guest if they are expected to spend so much money just to attend the wedding. I once was invited to a wedding in Iowa that would have costed us $700/pp for just the transportation. After a slight heart attack, I told the couple that we wouldn’t be able to go and bought something off their registry that was several hundred dollars. We figured it was way cheaper than attending the wedding and the couple got an awesome gift. If you’re a really good friend, you probably wanna go in person and witness your friend’s nuptials. So what’s the etiquette?

Source: Inhabitant.com

Source: Inhabitat.com

Well, there has to be etiquette for this but I would ignore it. :O)  You should spend what your comfortable with and it will depend how close the friend is. The closer the friend is, the more you spend but if you’re broke, then you’ve got to think of something. Here are some options:

  • Buy a gift certificate that will cost you less than its face value. Here are some deals that I’ve recently seen:
    • restaurant.com allows you to purchase a $100 gift certificate for $40. Look at their site for a price that you’re comfortable with. This is a good idea for a couple moving to a new area because they can try out a new restaurant for $100 less than what they would normally pay.
    • I bought a $100 bedandbreakfast.com gift card for $80 while shopping at Costco. The couple can use the gift card to put $100 towards any deal on the site. It’s also a nice suggestion to contribute towards a nice weekend getaway in the future.
  • Offer your functional skills towards the wedding event. Here are some ways to volunteer:
    • Create a slide show with photos from the couple and from friends
    • Help setup before or clean-up after the event
    • Transport people from/to airport with your rental car
  • Find other cash-strapped friends and chip in for a bigger gift off the couple’s registry
  • Buy a gift that can be used during the wedding event

Do you have any awesome budget gift-giving ideas?

by Christine | posted in Etiquette, Questions from Audience | 1 Comment »

Tipping Wedding Vendors

September 8th, 2009

Question?

Reader Question:
Our caterer has arranged for other vendors, such that she is almost acting like a wedding planner. However, it means that my catering bill includes lighting, flowers, and the more typical food, labor, linens and equipment.  How do I figure out to how to tip from the catering bill?  I’ve read that normally you don’t have to tip your florist separately, for example.  And the bill is quite large if you factor in linens and equipment. Am I really supposed to use the entire catering bill?  Also, do we need to give the tip to each person individually, or can we give the money to Debbie or the service captain to have them distribute it? Any thoughts you have on this would be greatly appreciated! 

Source: Wedding Reception Centerpieces

Source: Wedding Reception Centerpieces

It’s weird that the catering bill would not include the tip already.  If the caterer is paying the vendor, I would expect them to pass the tip onto your bill so I wouldn’t worry about tipping them. For wait staff, I would tip based off the food and labor and give the tip to the person in charge, and not distribute individually. I would ask Debbie if the bill already includes the tip because sometimes caterers include the tip in the price. You wouldn’t want to double tip. I hope that helps. :O)

by Christine | posted in Etiquette, Questions from Audience, Vendors | No Comments »

This past wedding season I got a lot of questions from guests about etiquette so I wanted to share with everyone:

Question?

Reader Question:
How much do I spend on the wedding gift?

No one should think of this as a hard fast rule, but typically, guests are expected to give gifts that are equal to the cost of attending the wedding. In most metropolitan areas, that’s about $100 per person, less for suburbs. So if there are two of you, that’s $200 for a wedding gift. If you don’t know what to give, give cash. Most couples will not find it impersonal because many couples start their marriage with big holes in their pocket!

Question?

Reader Question:
I’m strapped for cash. What gift ideas do you have for me?

Yes, money is tight these days but it’s the same for the wedding couple. Of course, couples should not expect to be showered with extravagant gifts from everyone. For example, a friend who recently graduated from school and just joined the Peace Corps will not have the same expectations put on them as the I-Banking friend from NYC. Some couples will appreciate receiving a thoughtful gift that costs less than $100 but some may appreciate the cash more. I would gauge the gift depending on the couple. If you’re looking for some gifts that give a little more meaning but don’t cost as much, consider buying a gift that benefits a non-profit cause. Ten Thousand Villages sells crafts from around the world and gives their profit directly to the artist, usually living in a developing country. Shop either Tabletop or Home Decor. If these products were sold in a department store, they would go for much more. If the couple has a philanthropic heart, then donate using the I Do Foundation.

If you know of others that are strapped for cash, consider pooling together resources to get one nice expensive gift from a group of people.

Question?

Reader Question:
What if I don’t attend the wedding? Do I still need to give a gift?

It’s customary to send a gift even if you don’t attend the wedding. The wedding couple invited you with the intent of sharing their special occasion with you.

Question?

Reader Question:
How long do I have to give a gift?

It’s customary to give a gift up to a year after the wedding.

Question?

Reader Question:
What if I have guests that don’t give gifts, even a year after my wedding?

Hahaha. You can’t demand for a wedding gift. Keep in mind, sometimes things get lost in the mail, stores can mess up orders, etc. The fact that they don’t get a thank you card might tip them off. Or, you can still send a thank you card but thank them only for attending the wedding. The fact that you leave out thanking them for a gift might tip them off. If those clues don’t do anything, resist the urge to ask and consider it water under the bridge. There’s a perfect example from King of the Hill of what NOT to do:

King of the Hill - Wedding Gift Collection

King of the Hill - Wedding Gift Collection (Source: Hulu.com)

Etiquette can be seen as a best practice but of course, it’s not the absolute rule. Your decisions should be dealt with on a case-by-case scenario, and to maintain your relationships, leave your judgments at the door. :O)

by Christine | posted in Budget, Etiquette, Questions from Audience | 2 Comments »

Source:marisapage.wordpress.com

Source: marisapage.wordpress.com

I thought this might be a good topic to share with any future brides so they can realize that knowing what you want is sometimes less drama then being flexible.   Read David’s post about Wedding Day Drama, he is right on with his comments and the drama is sometimes unavoidable regardless.  I’m a pretty laid back person and I’m not a slave to fashion, or a wealthy debutant so I’m pretty flexible with a lot of the options I had for my wedding (especially the costly items).   I really wish I had been more bridezilla-ish.   I’m a little less then two months away from the big day so I guess now will have to be a good time to start!!!

Don’t feel bad about being a little bit of a bridezilla!!! I think being direct is going to be your best bet in planning a wedding and making decisions when they need to be made.  Mind you this does not mean disregarding all social norms and/or disrespecting anyone.

Real life Example 1 – Different sizes and shapes of bridesmaids.

Source: bestweddingdresses.net

Source: bestweddingdresses.net

Laidback Bride – Let them pick different style dress (same designer same color)

Result – Endless phone calls during the day while the girls went to different dress shops looking for the ones with the most options of that designer.  Also one called me and told me that this “dress was made for her” umm.. yes but it was made by another designer

B-Zilla Solution – Pick a dress and make them look alike – who cares right? Attention is on the bride=) (I’m just kidding but really it’s easier)

Real life Example 2 – Not being direct with Maid of Honor (MOH) on what I’m expecting from her (bridal shower, bachelorette etc)

Source: Susan Zoha

Source: Susan Zoha

Laidback Bride – There really wasn’t one, I went along with whatever was thrown for me, but dealt with the good friends vs. family disagreement of venues and locations

Result – (late in the game) I asked for just family – group of women at my mom’s house.   There ended up being a fight over location (I live in VA – my family and close friends live in CT) where now there is tension in the bridal party (that I was left off of all the e-mails so I still don’t know the details)  In the end everything was great, but I could have avoided the opinions of others by just stating my own.

B-Zilla Solution – Be direct very early on, if your priorities are different then your mothers or your MOHs then you need to be honest and let them know how you foresee the events happening.

Real life Example 3 –  Bachelor Party

Source: zazzle.com

Source: zazzle.com

Laidback Bride – I wasn’t really concerned with this as I was asked to be part of the surprise kidnapping.  I also helped with some accommodations since I was able to work out some deals.

Result – If you have a problem with any foreseeable things occurring let it be known early.  Well I’m sure most of you would guess=)

B-Zilla Solution – Demand the groom inform the best man of the restrictions on the bachelor party.  B-Zilla might want to follow up with the BM just in case she is worried.

Do you have any bridezilla stories you would want to share?  Any times you wish you were bridezilla?

by Joleen | posted in Etiquette, General Planning, Miscellaneous | No Comments »

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