From the movie, License to Wed. Click to view YouTube video. Photo Source: IMDB

Premarital counseling is something that I wish every officiant would make mandatory. Since Scott and I dated for more than 5 years before getting married, you would think we would have known everything about each other.  But at the premarital counseling with Pastor Anson, I learned so much! Anson walked us through Before You Say “I Do” by H. Norman Wright & Wes Roberts.

In the book, the authors asked us to fill out a survey separately. One of the questions simply asked, “Will you drive your kids to school or will they ride the bus?” My response was that they would ride the bus, however, Scott said he would drive the kids to school. It’s funny to talk about your hypothetical kids because you never know what it’s going to be like when the time comes around. I asked him, “why would you drive your kids to school when that’s what the bus is for?” He said that driving your kids to school shows that you love them. Of course my next questions was, “so do you think my parents didn’t love me?” It was an easy way to pick a fight but it was more humorous from my end of the conversation. :O)

Different experiences form our opinions so it was interesting to see the perspective he was coming from. I think the three biggest topics that engaged couples often don’t talk about openly, but comes up during premarital counseling: Finances, Children, and Faith. Talking about certain topics helps manage expectations so you don’t get surprised later.

Some resources from pastor and friend, Woojin:

• Saving Marriage Before It Starts by Les & Leslie Parrott (they also have one for second marriages)
• “Getting Ready for Your Marriage Workbook” by Frank Minirth.

If you’re already married, you could still try one of the books mentioned above, or look into Family Life who hosts a conference called a Weekend to Remember throughout the country, which I hear good things about. I haven’t been to one but plan to in the future.

Last week on NBC4’s Today Show, Ann Curry covered a short piece on “Married Couples Tell All…” (if that link doesn’t work, check hulu) where three married couples were asked to give their perspectives on questions many married couples face over the course of their marriage. These questions are commonly asked but not everyone has the same answers. We also shared how the “experts” answered as well as our answers.

1. Banking: “Same or Separate Bank Accounts?”

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What the Today Show psychologist “experts” say:

• Couples should have a joint account for household expenses
• Have separate accounts for “play money”
• Should already be underlying trust in the relationship
• If you have to worry about people spending their slush money, then there are bigger problems
• Keep separate financial identities

What Christine/Scott has to say:

• We chose to have shared bank accounts, have financial transparency
• Having shared bank accounts also makes managing finances easier
• Large purchases are discussed first, we set limits

2. Bathroom and Grooming: “Blushing in the Bathroom?”

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What the Today Show psychologist “experts” say:

• Negotiate boundaries, expectations and privacy
• Negotiate the lines and respect it
• Every couple is different
• No need to define rules from the very beginning, they will develop during the course of marriage
• Some suggest start with being polite and work your way

What Christine/Scott has to say:

• We prefer closed doors except for hygiene at the sink
• We respect each other’s privacy in the bathroom, most of the time

3. Space: “Need Space?”

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What the Today Show psychologist “experts” say:

• It is healthy to have time alone, but depends on the couple
• Girls night out/guys night out should be encouraged
• Having time along or with the girls or guys helps to create conversation between the couple
• Shouldn’t always be your idea, encourage each other to spend time on their own or with friends

What Christine/Scott has to say:

• We spend a lot of time together, by choice, with the occasional girls night out or guys night out
• We encourage each other to spend time with the girlfriends or the guy friends
• Important to have space to ourselves, but most of the time we are spending time together

It’s amazing how much you learn about your significant other after marriage and where you draw boundaries. How would you answer the questions above?

To be honest, up until a few years ago, I never thought what I’m going to ask was a legitimate question. That is, until my friends started to marry and I heard their stories, and stories of their friends. So…

On your wedding night, did you or do you plan on having sex?

To me, this is a no-brainer. However, I’ve heard that you can be exhausted, and not have any energy. Hogwash? Well, if you think about it first, it might sound reasonable. First, there’s the mental aspect of it. It’s the big day, you’ve spent months planning for it, and you probably spend most of the BIG DAY worrying if your plan goes awry. Then, there’s the physical aspect to it. Bride or groom, you probably stay up late, talking, commiserating, finishing up the last of the reception centerpieces, finalizing the seating chart, tying that stupid bow on the program, etc. Not a whole lot of sleep — and you probably wouldn’t be able to catch much sleep anyway.

Then the BIG DAY comes, and you wake up early. If you’re a chick, you go and do your hair, nails, make-up, etc., and if you’re a guy, well, you catch SportsCenter, the weather forecast, take a trip to the toilet, etc. Then, in no particular order, you run to/from the ceremony, pictures with the wedding party, the reception, costume changes, etc.

The BIG DAY finally draws to an end, and you and the significant other retire to your love nest. Do you, and I mean YOU, have what it takes to slip on the second most important thing of the day (hint: starts with pro and ends in phylactic; unless you are on birth control or choose to let nature run its course)? Or, do you wait for matinee performance the next morning?

Source: Getty Images

Inquiring (and slightly perverted) minds want to know. Please share.

Okay, ladies, I have a question – what’s up with all this drama?

Rarely do I hear stories about so-and-so groomsmen going MIA or getting booted out of the wedding party because of a disagreement, some perceived diss or whatever. However, not only have I seen such craziness on TV (hello, Bridezillas), but unfortunately, I’ve also heard it happen with my friends — all females and all involving bridesmaids. Not to be sexist, but…

I have a friend who’s getting married in September, and apparently, one of her bridesmaids has been avoiding her and her maid of honor for about two months. It’s sad, but she had to replace her due to her AWOL-ness. Still, that’s not the worst story I’ve heard. A few years ago, a friend of mine got engaged, and when she asked her closest friends to be her bridesmaids, most of them were honored. Except one.

One of them, was pissed that she wasn’t asked to be maid of honor, so  she decided to not participate in the wedding at all. She didn’t even attend the wedding. Homie say whaaat?

Source: Photobucket

Hopefully, none of you, nor my wife-to-be, will experience this. I cannot imagine how sad it must feel to end up replacing someone so close to you that you’d actually ask them to be in the wedding party, because of a petty and childish thing.

Today will be a good day because yesterday was an awesome day. It was our 4^th year anniversary! Time definitely flies by when you’re having fun. Yesterday I reflected not only on our past four years, but the past ten years we’ve been together. I would say we are both different people than we were when we met but we have matured and grown together and that’s very exciting to experience. Friends have asked us for advice on what we’ve done to have a happy marriage. Here are some things that come to mind:

1. Say “I love you” and kiss as many times as possible :O)
2. Some arguments really aren’t worth it. If it doesn’t matter, let it go.
3. Be the first to apologize – it’s hard when you think you’re justified for being mad.
4. Treat marriage like the most delicate and expensive vase – these days it’s easy to “break” a marriage so don’t take it for granted
5. Never go to bed angry – when you wake up, the issue is still there, sometimes worse
6. Know what’s important to your spouse – not only is it good to remember what’s important to him/her when buying gifts, but it shows in your everyday language if you don’t respect what the other person likes/does.
7. If you’re busy people, it’s easiest to bond during the most simplest times: eat, sleep, exercise
8. Figure out what chores each will do and once in awhile switch so you remember what’s it like – you’ll appreciate that your spouse does the other chores
9. Be honest about finances – no sneaky purchases

I tried really hard to come up with a 10^th one so it would look like the top ten things I’ve learned but life goes on. (haha). We hope to continue our happy marriage for many years to come!